May I take five minutes of your time.
Don't worry, I don't want your bank details and nor will I ask you fund the second home of some charity boss; with a sob story.
But I am doing a survey on reading.
I was wondering what sort of metaphor might get you to the end.
And if the importance of colour matters.
Are you male, female, other, don't care, don't want to say, or careful.
Yes I can see.
Do you prefer an 's' or a 'z' in words like patronise, or similar, and do you mind if I automatically include the opposite in defianse of the red line.
On a scale of 1 while 10, how much to you care about poetry: with 1 being I studied it at university, have had a few poems published in some magazines and go for drinks with a classmate who works the submission queue at Faber, and 10 being I like and care about poetry passionately.
Oh you like Yates... that's a minus 1 then.
Is the moon a pearl, a secret Zionist research facility, sometimes an inspiration, sometimes a cliche, a symbol of the feminine principle, ruined by the Americans, a chunk of the earth that was formed in some cosmic collision and now serving as a counterweight that runs the seasons, which shines purely on some scientific principle that we assume is correct but haven't bothered to check but quote often as a way of winning cheap points when discussing matters of the heavens with religious types.
I'm beginning to like you.
Oh don't worry about the jacket, it was given to me when I was homeless.
Do you ever use the word gender.
Yes these are statements and not questions.
Why should you answer in the customary manner.
This isn't a test.
Yes I have been drinking.
And smoking cigars.
I'm asking the questions here... sorry making statements.
Just one more.
Shouldn't you be watching television.