#poetry #workshop

#poetry #workshop

1
Come Leaves Burst
Trait o'er sun breaks the dale.
Frost's house glows, cream egg
polished tooth, candle mass, whey

over trees. The stamen daisy
windows direct, connect, stripe
the barwaken sky dripping

rainbow strait watercolour
melting snow blue. Cold, rapt,
enwrapped cold, old night pulls

the Queen, who names the vale,
to heave all winter's rain,
hooked, eyed, crochet quavered

gown; frock coated vain veil
virgin rolling, rolling, retreating
up and aft, to the river.

 Critique received -
pros - reads well, soulful, a psalm,
cons - title ungrammatical, too expressionist,

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2
 Come Leaves, Burst Winter's Grip
traitor sun breaks sharp the dale frost
house glows cream egg yolk polished tooth

candle mass among bared tree smog
daisy stamen windows reflects

sprays heavy lidded sky barwaken
dripping crust watercolour streak

melting snow rapt cold blue enwrapped
old cold night pulls the river Queen

heaves all winter's rain into air
hooked eyed crochet quavered

coated frock vain virgin veiled hills
rolling rolling retreating up and

aft to the river

my thoughts - hate that title,
feedback -  ungrammatical

-------------------------------------
Cowt Leaves
dreak sun breke shap
yon dale frost
yolk hird whit wurn

plunt t'gin map
blit spar cowt
t'out fire

heft sky barwake
an' sigh
drip t'aft nowt on

snow ript hird
blue nikt
yon Queen bayns

all winter rain
'tin t'air
hooked eyen shut

dreak frock
bayn virgin hills
nost an' nost an' rast

t'river



We shall see....